Glossary
This glossary gives a short, plain definition of each term in our model. If a word on the site stops you, look it up here.
Each idea has two names. The model name is precise: Core Self, Alignment, Adaptation, Emotional Template. The everyday phrase is how you might say it to a friend: who you are underneath; responding from your core, not your past; what you learned to do to be okay; your autopilot. Both point to the same thing. Use whichever helps.
A few words have only one job here. "Authentic", for example, only ever describes a response or a way of living that comes from your Core Self. It never names a type of person.
Shared words make some things easier to say. "I think I'm folding" is quicker than a long explanation, and it describes what you're doing, not who you are.
Each entry below links to the page that explains the idea in full. If you're starting from scratch, Core Self and Emotional Template are good first stops.
In this section
Adaptation
An adaptation is what you learned to do to be okay: a strategy that once got a Core Need met or eased the pain of going without.Read the definitionAlignment
Alignment means responding from your core, not your past: how much a response comes from your Core Self rather than an old adaptation.Read the definitionChase
Chase is the everyday word for Pursue: trying harder to get a need met, through effort, pleasing, perfecting or checking.Read the definitionConditions
Conditions are the five ways an environment can fail a Core Need: Absent, Unpredictable, Excessive, Harmful and Modelled.Read the definitionCore Needs
Core Needs are the six things every person requires to develop well: Safety, Connection, Autonomy, Capability, Expression and Limits.Read the definitionCore Self
Your Core Self is who you are underneath: the needs and nature you were born with, and the values you choose.Read the definitionEmotional Template
An Emotional Template is your autopilot: the trigger, rule, feeling, body response and strategy that fire together, then an outcome.Read the definitionFight
Fight is the everyday word for Control: taking over to get a need met, through anger, dominance or rigid rules.Read the definitionFold
Fold is the everyday word for Comply: giving in to keep the peace, through shrinking, appeasing or going along.Read the definitionFour Signals
The Four Signals help you tell an adapted response from an authentic one: Rigidity, Automaticity, Driver and Timing.Read the definitionHide
Hide is the everyday word for Withdraw: pulling away from a need or a person, through numbing, avoidance or doing it all alone.Read the definitionIf–then rule
An if–then rule is the belief at the centre of a Template, written so it can be tested, like "If I'm perfect, I'm enough."Read the definitionIntensity Mismatch
Intensity Mismatch is when a reaction is bigger than the present moment explains, a sign that a Template is probably firing.Read the definitionNature
Nature is the temperament you were born with: how sensitive, reactive, energetic and sociable you tend to be.Read the definitionStrategies
Strategies are the four directions every adaptation moves in: Pursue, Withdraw, Control and Comply, or Chase, Hide, Fight and Fold.Read the definitionSurface feeling
A surface feeling is the feeling on top, often anger or numbness, that protects a more vulnerable feeling underneath.Read the definitionTemplate Grid
The Template Grid crosses six Core Needs with four Strategies to give 24 Emotional Templates, each with its own if–then rule.Read the definitionTrigger
A trigger is the cue that sets a Template off, usually because it resembles the Condition where the pattern was first learned.Read the definitionUnderlying feeling
An underlying feeling is the more vulnerable feeling beneath the surface, often fear, hurt or shame.Read the definitionValues
Values are what you decide matters and how you want to act. They are the chosen part of your Core Self.Read the definition