Glossary
Underlying feeling
Part of: Connection
An underlying feeling is the more vulnerable feeling beneath the one you show. It is often fear, hurt or shame.
In our model every Template carries a feeling in two layers. The surface feeling, often anger or numbness, protects the underlying one. Loneliness can sit underneath too.
These feelings tend to be the ones that were least safe to show when the pattern formed, so they learned to stay out of sight.
A tiny example. Your manager announces the new team lead, and it isn't you. You say "Makes sense, she'll be great" and feel nothing much. Underneath the flat feeling there may be hurt, and an old question about whether anyone notices you.
Noticing an underlying feeling doesn't mean you must share it with everyone. It means you know what is actually there, which gives you more choice about what to do next.
Read more on the feeling pages, starting with Hurt.