Triggers
A trigger is a cue that sets an old pattern off: a tone of voice, a silence, a request, a look. It lands hard because it resembles the situation where the pattern was first learned, so your body answers that older situation rather than the one in front of you.
In our model a trigger is the first link in an Emotional Template. Once it fires, the rest tends to follow together: a learned rule, a feeling, a body response and a familiar strategy.
Triggers aren't weaknesses, and they aren't other people's fault. A colleague who talks over you isn't responsible for the history that makes it sting. You're still responsible for what you do next. Knowing your triggers helps with both.
One question helps more than most. Is my reaction bigger than this moment explains? When it is, our model calls it an Intensity Mismatch, and the extra intensity usually belongs to the past.
Each page below covers one common trigger: the Core Need it touches, how Chase, Hide, Fight and Fold each tend to answer it, and an everyday scene. Start with the one you recognise.
In this section
Being asked for a favour
A request for a favour can set off guilt or pressure when saying no once felt unsafe, because it touches the need for Limits.Read moreBeing talked over
Being talked over can hurt more than the moment seems to deserve when your voice once went unheard; it touches the need for Expression.Read moreBeing told what to do
Being told what to do can feel like a threat to your freedom when, earlier on, instructions left no room for your own say.Read moreCriticism
Criticism can sting far more than its words when it lands on an old belief that your worth depends on getting things right.Read moreRaised voices
Raised voices can set off an alarm in the body before you can think, because loudness once meant something unsafe might happen next.Read moreWhen someone goes quiet
When someone close goes quiet, the silence can land like a warning, because it resembles times when connection vanished without explanation.Read more